I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
