He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
