So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
