It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
