Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm sobbing to NWA
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
