I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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