five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
