You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
