I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
