There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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