There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
