i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
