New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He shit in the fireplace
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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