we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
