Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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