I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
