Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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