his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
