he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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