all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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