Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
