Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
