just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
