i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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