So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
