What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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