I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
