I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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