I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
