I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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