i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
