if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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