rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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