Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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