Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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