I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
