Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
