i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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