Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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