I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize