You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
