I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dear god my vagina.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
