i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
