I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize