We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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