After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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