Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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