His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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