clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
