Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
