I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
