She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
