Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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