What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
