Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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