About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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