I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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