We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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