I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
