You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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