Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
