Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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