I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
