the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
