I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
it was like eating out sand paper
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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