I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
