Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I touched a dick in church today
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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