hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
