i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
