I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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