$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize