I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
