I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
