TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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