I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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