see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
