Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
