i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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