Buhtt sex?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize