The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize