O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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