I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
