Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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