Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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